Finding Bliss and Beauty

I am happy here. I am. No, I am not trying to convince myself of that. It is real, stunning, wonderful and in a way frightening. Will it disappear? Will I be in the same depressed rut I found myself dwelling in, in Iowa? I hope not. I finally feel like I am following my heart, my dreams, my life purpose. I feel like doing research for a truly good cause. I am grateful for the attitude of never sacrificing for time's sake, yet always having a sense of urgency that the answers are needed.

Memphis isn't all bad. Maybe I hate some things here: traffic, some culture, divisiveness, etc. I am working to open my eyes to the beauty within the people who want to change the perception so many have regarding this city. Seeing Memphians (yes, that is what they call themselves) in their humanity in the coffee shops, yoga classes, churches, stores, and workplaces, I realize that in the midst of crime and racial tension, a backdrop exists to let kind people shine even more brightly than I would normally see them.

Beloved

This morning at First Congo, the message was especially meaningful to me. I think I struggle from time to time with feeling worthless, well maybe not that severe, maybe just not what I am meant to be, like I will never live up to whatever THAT is. Last week was about trusting yourself and it was uplifting as well, but this was different and gave me some fresh perspective on God and His view of us.

I wrote down a few quotes from our Rev. Cheryl Cornish to share that meant a lot to me.

"God is saying,"You are beloved; you are significant in this universe.""
"How do we make the thousand small choices well?"
"Life is MORE than survival. We want to thrive." (emphasis added)
"You are beloved always: from the beginning to the end."

And then after giving and example of a person with internal conflict about a life change, like when they wanted to leave a job, if they are unhappy, etc. :
"This isn't how you were meant to live, because you are beloved."

Almost two weeks....

I kept meaning to write, thinking of these fantastic things to say about the past almost two weeks that I have been back in Memphis since moving in to my house. The time with Mom and Olivia was great.... I miss them. The fear of loneliness set in strongly for a few days. But, like I said in my last post, work started on Monday, Jan. 5, 2009. Guess what? It is amazing. More than I even hoped.

It is so wierd, really. My boss trusts my judgement. He doesn't need to know about every step of the process. He believes that unless I tell him otherwise, I know what I am doing. He trusts that I will ask his advice or opinion or for his help if I need or desire it. Otherwise, the work will get done and we will, we hope, be successful. We both started Monday, and we did some lab work on Tuesday. Talk about a fast start in a brand new lab. Things are going well with the project so far, even in its infancy. I have been doing lots of ordering. We need everything.

My experience in Memphis so far, has been nothing short of amazing... I was so worried, and kept having these, "I hate Memphis" moments, but it turns out this city is nothing like what I thought. The people I have met have been amazing. The church I am attending, First Congregational (aka First Congo) is full of love and hope and community. My little community as a whole, Cooper-Young, is small and intimate and alive. I see some of the same people at yoga that I see at church and then I even see them at work. Last night I went to Java Cabana after some consignment shopping and grocery shopping, and then went to dinner with Doug, a guy I met last week at Java Cabana. Oh, and I almost forgot to tell that I went to TGIF yoga Friday night, which was awesome once again.

First Day Tomorrow

Tomorrow is my first day of work. In case we don't know each other very well, or haven't talked in a while, let me fill you in on a few big details.

• I worked my last day in Iowa on Dec 12, 2008.
• My dear friends/co-workers helped me pack the Budget Truck and attach my car on Dec 13, 2008.
• I said goodbye to Sherry, one of the best people I have ever known, and drove away at approximately 5pm CST.
• After a harrowing trip alone for over 700 miles, I finally arrived on the night of Dec 14, 2008, in Memphis, TN.
• Dec 15, 2008 was my 24th birthday and the first day of the house hunt. I managed to find a rental house by noon, sign the lease by 2pm and had the keys in hand by 3pm.
• The next few days went by SO quickly, unpacking, returning the truck, getting utilities, etc. I managed to meet some cool ladies, especially Mary, at The Toad Hall Antiques, and they advised me not to leave my car at home while I was gone to WV.
• Dec 19, 2008, I went to the Memphis International Airport for what I hoped would be an uneventful two-flight trip to WV. I ended up sleeping the floor in Detroit, and finally arrived in WV almost exactly 24 hours from when I left my new home in Memphis. It would have only taken 10 hours to drive.

Ok, I am tired now. I have had an exciting weekend too, and I will try to fill in the rest of the details from where I left off arriving in West Virginia for the holidays to where I am now: sore from yoga, inspired by an wonderful church service, and relaxed in my small, 1922 built house in the Cooper-Young neighborhood of Memphis. Maybe then I can tell more about what this journey means to me.